Affirmation

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in karma - what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

New Moon

Off to see New Moon, later this afternoon!

I'm close to hyperventilating, I'm that excited!

What a stupid lamb

I love books but don't usually read very fast. It's never a huge problem for me, unless I'm reading something with someone, and they skip ahead thinking I'm at the same spot as them. I end up skimming through everything, missing important details, and struggling to keep up. That's not really a huge problem anymore though!

I really enjoy reading, and I love doing it at my own pace. Where I can take in every single word, dive in and get lost in my imagination!

Books are much more fulfilling than their movie counterparts - so rich, and full of so much more information.

When I get engrossed into a story, sometimes I struggle to escape from it - in the real world, it's hard not to think about the book. The characters, who they are, what they're doing, where they're going, where the plot is going... it totally takes over. But it's also sometimes equally easy for me to fold a little corner in the page, and not worry about finishing the book for a few days (sometimes weeks!), I get distracted with other books, projects, distracted with life.

So, at the moment I'm currently reading Breaking Dawn. The fourth (and last, unless Stephenie Meyer publishes Midnight Sun) of the Twilight saga books. It's SO addictive. It's got me completely engulfed in the story. So into it, in fact, that after just two or so days of owning the book - I'm nearly finished!

I so don't want it to end.

What is it about the story? Some times, I can't quite put my finger on it... like... there's something about it, but I don't know what. Other times, I'm totally captivated by the fantasy and the romance, both kind of rolled into some swirling sort of universe that just works. It's love. It's the heart of my soul, and, probably, of any other womans soul. To love and be loved. Totally unconditionally, and totally without a whim, without any thought or expectation. Without having to give any answers, the freedom to make irrational choices because of love. It's like, everything I've been daydreaming about since I was 3, is here in these four books.

Romance, love, fantasy, war - to fight for what's right, to have a principle and stand by it. The idea of life not just being life, but feeling like there's something more.... not really knowing there's something more, but just feeling like you're destined for something more. Mythology and fantasy becoming a part of every day life. The boring, mundane but, for the most part, mandatory (school, work, etc) parts of life becoming completely insignificant.

Vampires, werewolves, humans. The idea of a 'good vampire', a vegetarian. A werewolf 'imprinting' ... and not being limited by your generation. The idea of not having to age, of being able to wait for your soul mate to reach your level (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually). The idea of 23 pairs of chromosomes, 24 pairs, 25 pairs. And what it means to have an extra pair. An extra two pairs. Who that makes you. How that defines your life.

I love it!!!

I'm totally captivated!!!

My Haiku

A friend of mine recently showed me a haiku poem that she wrote... I think for a competition.

I've not written one since my school days - feels like many years ago! Hmm.

So, I thought I'd try and write a couple, without thinking too much about it. The thing with me, is that I do love to write, but when I let my brain think too much about it, I end up really not liking what I've written - I scrunch it up, trash it, get rid of it. Don't want to see it again.

I like that I've learnt and accepted certain things about myself. For writing, I can allow myself not to think, and just do.

Here's what I got:

Tears like a river

flow through her broken body

pooling on the ground

I actually like it, but it's quite deep. And it's certainly not an image of myself - at least not anymore!

Here's another one

Through the door she peers

seeing only with her eyes

as light fades away

That's my favourite one :)

Really, I ought to write more often! It's just another creative outlet though, and I'm not hugely passionate about it - I think I'd rather spend time knitting or 'beading'!

medication

waiting [im]patiently for the tablets my doctor has prescribed to kick in.

I finally got in to see MY doctor. A rare thing. Normally, the surgery is pretty good with getting me whenever I need, but I had trouble this week. Anyway, when I do get in, there's only one or two doctors there but I usually see someone different every time.

So yesterday, it was nice to actually see my doctor! He's such a nice man, he sort of reminds me of my grandad. But Indian.

:D

Anyway, he's taken me off all medication, absolutely everything. Mainly I think to give my body the chance to rest. My hormones need to just calm the heck down.

But OK, a bit of a lie. He's not taken me off everything, he's given me something else.

For 6 months, and he was adament that he doesn't want to see me until then.

I feel better about things, but it's only day 1 of taking new medication and it has yet to kick in.

So I'm still feeling very frustrated and unhappy. :(

But, plowing on. I did a bit of spring cleaning today and that always makes me feel better! I can't really do much else, going out lately is a real nightmare. Really, truly can't wait for this medication to start doing it's job!

Once and for all!

:)

All the good things:

• Strawberry muller fruit corner and a bottle of water
• Listening to the song we've decided that I'll "walk down the aisle" too. Makes me feel fuzzy!
• Realising I can walk into the hospital without holding my Mum or Dads hand! Just knowing they're thinking of me is all the support I need! Knowing that because of that realisation, I've really grown.
• Taylor Swift & Colbie Caillat and we know it's never simple, never easy, and I can't breathe without you, but I have to
• Watching Jorja, speechless at how beautiful she is, how sweet, how independent!
• Cuddling Noah, making him giggle
• Snuggling under a blanket with Lee, watching a good movie
• Butterfly kisses
• On the rare but wonderful occasion when Dad hugs me.
• Hearing him tell me I'm his spiritually gifted little girl
• Spending time with Mum, talking my heart out
• Learning to be objective
• Realising it's a popular thing for siblings to put their brothers and sisters down to raise themselves up, because no one else has ever bothered to raise them up out of the pit.
• Realising I don't mind making that sort of sacrifice!!
• Cooking fresh, seasonal food, from scratch
• Putting Coral to bed

Oh.

That's it.

Just, oh.

I'm exasperated.

Feels like I'm totally at the end of my tether!